A Toxic Drug Interaction Part II

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Every second I lay curled up shaking felt like an eternity and yet I was surprised at how quickly it seemed my husband made it home. I heard urgent pounding steps in the stairwell outside our apartment door and knew he was coming. I would get to see him one more time.

I heard the lock jiggling. I heard the door slam. I felt his hand on my face as he knelt on the floor beside me. I can’t remember if I told him I loved him but I know I willed him to feel it. I knew there was only one thing that might alleviate my suffering so I asked him for a priesthood blessing.

He was calm as he laid his hands upon my head and uttered a few brief inspired words of healing. Immediately my constant shaking calmed to an occasional quiver. I felt such gratitude to God for this immediate act of relief.

My husband helped me back to my bed where I laid down to try to get some rest. But now that the shaking had dissipated I noticed other things were happening. My heart would race and slow and race and slow. Each time it began to race my body would fill with terrifying warmth. I suppose the best way to explain that is to say it is the kind of warmth you feel when your conscience tells you you’ve done something very wrong. Amplify that ten fold and it kept throwing me into a panic. My mind was so confused at that time, mixing these sensations with fear that I had done something terribly wrong. I call it a hellfire feeling, as though you’re about to be consumed by the agony of guilt.

I also suddenly realized how very sensitive to noise I was. As I lay there, the minutes ticking slowly away, I would hear an occasional yell from one of the kids or a loud bang and my body would immediately start to quiver, my heart rate sky rocketing, filling me again with terrifying warmth. You can imagine that prayer was always upon my lips as I struggled to calm these reactions. I still had no idea what was going on, I only hoped that this physical and mental presence of mind would wear off quickly. Unfortunately that was not to be the case.

To be continued…


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